gibberish

I don't want to waste it. I've spent my whole adult life doing - not doing much with dreams and aspirations. So when I was asked if I was interested in taking the plunge.. It took every inch of me to "not do" what I have grown accustomed to. Routine, and consistency are my MA. I'd like to change that. Make a bigger splash.. flail a little. Take a calculated risk, with out any regret. YOu know what you want, you go get it. Thats where I've been silly to just graze like a cow in the pasture... I'm full.
About ten years ago I took a leap. I decided to move out and be an "adult". I have grown backwards since. Not all for the worst, but nonetheless..
What really chaps my ass, is how I never was able to see that guy then.. trust me if it were possible.. well, I feel like punching him in the face! At least give him some advice- that I'd take. Because I did it, but I did it half ass and without passion.
That first year before moving back home, and back out, and back home, and back out again... that first year was like living in a sitcom. Odd neighbors. Roommate stories that are never retold, or rehashed. Girls that we thought to have a chance with. Beer. Parties. Summer heat. And nothing better to do. So we do it "again tomorrow".
The year was going fairly well until I got caught driving home from BG by a Marion State'y... And its those little life choices that stick to you forever like matted hair on a poodle. Just about impossible to remove without shaving it all off. Fresh start.
So I call the only person I thought I could depend on - or at least who I thought would judge me the least. And when I got home, my life as I knew it had now gotten away from me, and I've been chasing it down since!
I killed my roommate in the process. Not literally though. Just the friendship part. Trust me, if he was taken out it'll be in the hands of his wife nowadays.. not me.
So when the weekend simmers down a little ad life picks back up, and legal penalty is now but only a laughing stock and lost pride in my rearview mirror..I walk to work the long way... I'm so worried about looking stupid that I decide its not worth taking the COTA to work in the event i get on the wrong one or something.. Plus its 5 bucks for the day pass, and I have exactly $2.33 in my pocket to last me all of March. Thats one trip. One way. So I walked. ..and on occasion I would lobby for my 'mate to drop me off in the back of the restaurant at 4am- and thats where i would wait until 830... Since we had snow and freezing temps around that time, I would go into this laundry mat next door and wait. But after day or two of that..i was asked not to loiter.
So my other option was none really...But there was this Ice Box out side the padlocked doors.. and I fit in quite cozy. And at 830, Donna would hit the sides with a spatula and hollering voice.. Frau.

From that job... I became zero insured ... that was challenging. There is always some girl to blame..so here's two. I had a crush on a girl at work. I was in love with a friend who slept with all my friends.. and then right under my nose, there was no job either.
I shared a phone with the neighbors. I watched Sienfield in increments ..I'd hold the antenna for ten minutes, and we would rotate back to the couch. We had a system for shopping too. His mother would buy groceries, and he would ask for things he didn't really like...and I would help him get rid of the stuff he didn't want:) Open door policy. And waking up before noon were grounds for dismissal . My 'mate loved it. So much so he rather work all day and night then come home to my ridiculous behavior...

Okay so this blog is really not very detailed, and more importantly without any direction. Its simple. I'm hanging out tonight thinking ....wasting my breath i guess. But as mentioned at the beginning... I waste a lot of breath, so at least this is a bit more productive.

The whole no insurance thing ..yeah that was real too. Nothing for 3 1/2 years.. "classified CF as a childhood illness" even though CF'ers are aging way beyond 12 years old these days.. So state cut back, and eliminated it. We were able to restore it with a very courageous outfit of supporters, and testimonials. I read and spoke my piece to the senate, and representatives...and with a team united we were ultimately able to restore SOME funding, and a semi-adult with CF program. That lasted a few years...and then the economy we know today, has left a residual effect on all state funded programs.. And we are going backwards once more.. So thats a little of that. I could go on with more rants ..and I do plan on it. But this was only a foot in the water to test the fingers here on my keypad...
I'll be back